Thu Nov 05 20:00:00 UTC 2020

Take Your Devil Out to Lunch

How am I to come to terms with that half of the electorate in the United States is okay with this loathsome conman and all of his sycophants?

Wanting to understand someone's point of view, rather than convince, is the first step. Yay verily, I find it difficult for me to set down my cudgel. Set it down I must.

It was around 2007 I think, when I started putting the pattern together, and I know it is not my original. This is my take on something covered by many others.

To understand, you must take your devil out to lunch.

Not convince, mind you. To understand. I would suggest to you, it is worth it.

The quote at the beginning was by a friend lamenting the outcome of an election, and I will leave it undated because I believe it timeless.

As I was saying, it was 2007. There was this colleague who was difficult to work with, demanding, unhappy with me, with us, and them over there. I had grown to mildly hate this man. I was on one of my entrepreneur pathways and reading a lot that was making me circumspect. I knew the guy had at least some intellect, so why was he being such a stinker?

So I took him out to lunch. I told him I wanted to take him out to lunch and listen. I primed the conversation but let him run with it. I learned a lot. My understanding of his frustration was deeper, and I found opportunities to improve some aspects of how we worked. It was helpful. It didn't entirely redeem him, but it was good enough to work for a while longer. I learned more than if I had gone in expecting to convince him of a perspective. Listening first. Understanding first. Like I said, not really innovative.

Don't bring the cudgel to lunch.

I suspect the same pattern to be useful in many venues and topic categories. If you want to understand why so many of the people around you have a perspective so different from you, it may be time for some lunches with your devils. Some lunches may prove futile or unsatisfying; you will need to till the garden more between digging up a hearty meal of understanding, depth or enlightenment.

Do this to understand. Pure understanding, learning, taking in, and accepting what is spoken as it appears in the wild. Do not try to take it home and make it a pet, nor attempt to bridle or harness it right there. Do not change it. Let it dine right there in the sunlight. Prime the pump and keep asking open-ended questions as free from preconception as possible. Let go of the objections that well up inside you clamoring for the microphone, sharpening their knives and loading rounds...let all of that go. Passionless, save only to understand.

It will take discpline, and practice. I think you will find it a practice well worth the effort.

Oh, also, take a breath and be gentle. Some devils are mirrors.